It's never too early to start planning

[GTRS Fiero]

My boss drinks coffee.  About the first half hour of his work day is getting his coffee.  He makes it black, then mixes it 50% with creamer.  Usually, his coffee starts with 7 scoops of coffee from the Folgers container, then the machine finishes the job.  The other coffee drinkers refer to my boss' brew as tar, and he calls their brew tea.  There are 2 coffee machines, but they won't agree to use one for strong and the other for weak.  The strong gets drank right up, but the weak just sits there.

I thought of getting an identical mug to my boss' mug, filling it with molasses, and swapping, but it'd be cold and smell differently.  Perhaps 17 scoops of Folgers, but I've never made coffee in a machine.

Help?

[Fierofool]

We use a 1/3 cup measuring scoop.  Two level scoops for a 12 cup coffee maker.  My brother likes his black, Melanie likes hers about 1/3 milk, and I like mine a little stronger, milk or cream only, somewhere between Melanie's and Ray's. 

Strong coffee can be weakened down, but weak coffee can only be poured into the sink.  There's nothing you can do to beef it up.  Our measuring works well with Folgers, Maxwell House, Aldi's, McCafe, Seattle's Best and 8 O'Clock coffee brands.

[TopNotch]

Strong coffee can be weakened down, but weak coffee can only be poured into the sink.  There's nothing you can do to beef it up.

Well, you could add a spoon full of instant coffee mix.

[GTRS Fiero]

I'm going for the consistency of tar.  I want his spoon to stand upright in it.

[GTRS Fiero]

What follows may seem juvenile, improper, offensive, and probably went too far.  It probably is bad enough while in college, and probably shouldn't happen at the workplace.  We had a pool of $3,000 for the pranks and cleanup.  I'm relatively sure that some of this could get everyone into trouble, if anyone ever complains.  So, no names or places.  Just know that this was consensual.  Some tenants chose not to participate.


Not much work got done today.  I was scheduled, but lots of people who weren't scheduled showed up.  My boss ALWAYS gripes that the coffee is too weak, but he adds lots of creamer and sugar.  So, I took boiling water, and ran it through fresh coffee grounds 10 times.  This was fairly potent, but wouldn't hold a spoon upright, so I took more grounds, and pureed them with the coffee.  Probably a mistake.  Anyway, my boss took a swig...and SWALLOWED!  He decided that was strong coffee.

[GTRS Fiero]

Meanwhile, I got called out to the parking lot, because the brand new work truck had burned.  Yep, it looked like it burned, depending on the angle, but the nearby vehicles were undamaged, and there were no indications on the parking lot.  Nice try, but no cigar.  Still, I knew who whose idea that was.  I played along, though, and called the wrecker, then went back to my office.  When I opened the door, styrofoam peanuts came pouring out.  Not a problem.  The seat of my chair was wet, but it was some sort of gel.

A friend arrived with his wrecker, and a similar car to the prankster's, only wrecked.  We placed the car where the prankster's car was, made the plates look good, and then he loaded up the work truck.  I was in sight of the prankster, when there was a loud noise.  We ran outside, only to see the wrecker leaving with the work truck, and the prankster's "wrecked" car where his new car had been.  The prankster went to the police office down the hall, but they told him it was an insurance scam, that there would have been fluids under the car, if the accident had happened where the car sat.  The prankster finally figured it out.

[GTRS Fiero]

Someone iced the walk by the front doors.  I wondered why the walk was angled.  I had to walk in the grass, where someone thoughtfully placed trip wires.

I was told to activate a new auto-attendant message.  The message ran something like this: "Thank you for volunteering to receive all complaint calls.  Your phone number has been added to our database.  For a random person, press 1.  For complete silence, press 2.  For a loud noise, press 3.  For nostalgic computer sounds, press 4.  To reach a responsible person, press 5.  To reach an irresponsible person, press 6.  To activate a nuclear weapon, press 7.  To complain to the previous caller, press 8.  To be disconnected, press 9, or hang on to infinitely repeat this message."  If the caller hung up, their phone would instantly be called by 10 simultaneous bogus calls; if the caller pressed anything, they would hear, "Thank you for pressing 7.  The bomb has been activated.  Good bye."

The voicemail messages were all changed to, "You have been fired.  Have a nice day."

The PA was tied up, with inappropriate things being broadcast.  It took me an hour to stop that.  I'd find where they were, but then they were somewhere else.

[GTRS Fiero]

Someone changed the security system, so that whenever the motion detectors detected motion, there was a loud buzzer, and "INTRUDER ALERT!  Stay where you are!"  A bunch of people dressed as RoboCop and Storm Troopers were roaming the halls, to answer these alerts.  I got thrown into "jail" twice by the Storm Troopers.  The first time, they sprayed me with silly string or something.  The second time, some large character was hitting golf balls (beanie bags) in my direction, using a golf club.  I escaped, but lost my jacket in the process.

Unrelated to that, people dressed as Borg were showing up unexpectedly, saying "Resistance is futile.  You will be assimilated."  Then they'd try to make you play Twister.  I saw people with white masks, but I'm not sure what they were doing.  A purple character was walking around, trying to get people to look into a bucket.

Girls dressed as Betty Boop and Marilyn Monroe were wandering around.  Betty Boop was in greyscale.  I think they were taking people into an office done up as a haunted house.  Little Red Riding Hood (a dude) had a basket of flowers.  When you'd smell the flowers, you'd get squirted.  That girl from Wizard of Oz was wandering around with a leg-happy mechanical dog.

[GTRS Fiero]

The conference rooms were "booked" with things inappropriate to post here.  In point of fact, I think the rooms were just off-limits for pranks.  I barricaded my network closets for the same reason.

My boss and his sons showed up ready for a nerf war.  They had nerf bandoliers, and repeating nerf guns.  Fortunately, they were mostly shooting girls, so I didn't take much fire.  By noon, they were worn out and went home, probably because our resident Viking kept tackling them.

While I was hiding from the Viking in the loft, I found that there was a homeless guy living up there.  He needs to be gone by May, but I turned on the heat and water, so he can at least clean up.

Some people showed up ready to do some sort of prank, but they left quickly.  One of these was the mayor.  Who knew he had a sense of humor?  Unfortunately, he drove his personal SS, which now has signs promoting his opponent in tomorrow's election.

[GTRS Fiero]

The front desk person dressed as an FBI agent, and annoyed people when they came in.

The fire marshal showed up for an inspection.  As I was escorting her down the hall, I noticed that the pictures of the past board presidents had been altered.  Not very flattering.  While we were looking at the pictures, the engineers dive bombed us with their drones.  I now have 2 drones, sans controllers.

The handles on some office doors were modified.  The outer handle comes off, without unlatching the door.

Someone took the tops off the picnic tables.  I'm not sure why.  It's too cold to eat outside.

The cosmetics people were offering to do up one side of people's faces.  I suspect that makeup will be luminescent for several days.

[GTRS Fiero]

About 3pm, the building's power was shut off.  When I went to check the generator, several people were waiting with supersoakers.  Keep in mind that the temp here is 25F.

Outside, there were lines of protesters.  As best as I could tell, no 2 were protesting the same thing.  One was protesting the right to protest.  Another protester was dressed like an icicle, and protesting the cold.  One was dressed as an angry snowman, and throwing something.  All the protesters were doing line dances.

In the foyer, there were people dressed as politicians, and ready with hand buzzers.  When I got back into the building, there was trash everywhere.  The HR office has what looks like torture equipment.  Everything from racks to whips.  I guess the COO/CFO got into his office at some point.  He called me in a quiet voice, asking me to release him.  He said the police wanted to break in through either the door or the window.  We evacuated the COO/CFO through his ceiling.  He was dressed like a Roman god or something.  He was greeted by building/safety inspectors.  I think they were fake.

One of the tenants was dressed as a police officer, and riding a horse through the parking lot, shouting something into a megaphone.

Several bankers showed up...in their boxer shorts.  They were doing that flash mob quartet thing.  Rather disturbing.

At one point, a male staff member dressed in a white robe came running down the hall, barefoot.  No idea what happened to his boots.  His wife (also an employee) had just entered a door at the end of the hall, and he bowled her over.  I'm not sure what she was doing there, because she was helping the firefighters tenant, showing people how to do CPR.  I really don't know why, but some people went through the CPR thing several times.  Maybe their ribs will hurt, tomorrow.

The board were dressed in Hawaiin attire, pretending to solicit votes.  They were armed with various "weapons", including swords, sickles, chains, etc.

The finance department was offering a "luxury cruise" for $10.  They were dressed as characters from Samuel Clemens' Tom Sawyer books.  Later, it looked as if someone whitewashed them.  Face and hair.

Someone was wandering around asking if we has flies.  I said I was full up, but the next person said they didn't have any, and the wanderer released a bunch of something I hope wasn't alive.

The city administrator is a big bald guy.  He was wesring a LONG wig.  Someone put superglue on the wig, rather than whatever is supposed to be used to secure wigs.  I guess he'll wear that wig for a while.

In the lunch room, there were colored eggs.  Apparently, they were still raw.  Someone changed all the food in the vending machine to soy products.  No sugar, taste, or chocolate.  The sodas were all changed to veggie drinks.

There are mailboxes in a central location.  Someone opened their mailbox, and black stuff coated their face.

Someone changed the printer paper from white to black.  Not construction paper.  Just black paper.  In the bathrooms, the TP rolls were rigged.  When the end is pulled, things spray on you out of the ceiling.  The water coming out of the bathroom faucets is red.  Apparently, the shower water is green.

There was someone in an Easter Bunny costume roaming around, handing out candy.  Only problem was, the candy was hot.  People would eat the candy, then a few minutes later their insides would be burning.  No milk or bread to be found.  This was mostly soft candy, all sealed in individual packaging.  Someone got a peanut butter chocolate egg, and apparently ate the entire thing before the burning started.

All the RTUs quit working.  I wasn't going to fall for that, so the CEO climbed up on the roof--where he got sprayed with some sort of foam.  When the heat came back on, sure enough, onions.

I was called back to the machine shop for issues with the equipment.  Seemed suspicious, so I made sure to vacate before I kicked on the exhaust fan.  Apparently, they made the fan blow in, rather than out.  When they got out of the office, they stunk.

[GTRS Fiero]

Someone released an orange cloudy substance into the air, and it was hard to see anything.  I think the fire marshal failed us.  She was not happy.  She was particularly upset when she went to get a drink from the water dispenser, which had apparently been modified to dispense horizontally, into the crotch area.  She is short, so the result was probably worse.  The pressure on the water fountain was predictably modified to squirt right in the face, but that water has a smell and an odor, so I don't ever use it.

One of the tenants uses mice for his antibody studies.  He let several mice loose.  Girls in miniskirts were shrieking and running all over.  At least 2 of those girls were his employees, and I've never seen them wear miniskirts before.  There was something that happened in the front of the building, but I didn't see it.  I suspect a "peeping tom" theme outside an office window.  Probably a cardboard cutout or an inflatible thing.

Apparently, one of the offices had "flag football".  No idea, but apparently it involves a TV and a wooden stake.

You always wonder how the new tenants will take to this, but the latest was manning the sea shells.  The biggest surprise was the licensed counselor.  He was not present the last 2 years, and he moved out a few months ago, but there he was with some sort of stringy stuff.  And he was wearing one of those outlandish German outfits.  A group of bagpipers showed up.  They would play any song you DID NOT request, which apparently meant that they wouldn't stop playing obnoxious songs.  I couldn't hear myself forgetting what I was thinking.  Another tenant was tossing hoola hoops at people.  The hoops were lit, and would come sailing through the dark.  Heads up!

When I was taking a shortcut through what is supposed to be a vacant office, I discovered that they were having races.  You could bet anything in someone else's pocket on the mouse, the turtle, the snake, or various other crestures.  People have odd things in their pockets.  I guess that office will have to be secured, next year.

One of the female tenants was doing fortune telling.  She'd get you to place your hand on an ink pad.  Someone else was walking around on stilts, which seemed like a bad idea.

The dock workers were dressed like blacksmiths, complete with hammer and tongs, which they were using at their "furnace" to cook BBQ.  I think the BBQ was all reptiles and rodents.

In the lobby, there were cream puffs.  At least, that's what we were told.  They were long on puff, and without cream.  The outside was very sticky, and the inside was filled with powder.  There were no towels.  When I tried to dry my hands with the blower, I got zapped.

At some point, alcohol was added to the coffee.  One of the tenants is Muslim.  I watched him drink several cups of that coffee.  At first, I figured he'd smell or taste the alcohol.  Apparently not.  Maybe it dissipated.

For the styrofoam peanuts in my office, I vacuumed most of them out, and straight into the garages where the people with access to my office park.  I disabled the garage door openers, meaning they'd have to get in through the side doors.

The last time I walked by my office, someone was painting the (closed) door pink.  I just kept walking.

When I went to leave, someone had buried my truck in a snowpile.  The joke's on them, though, because the skid-steer's seat was coated with used motor oil, and the lever handles had gorilla glue on them.

Funny, funny.  I'm tired, my eyes hurt, and I have scratches all over.  I tore my shirt, probably when crawling around above the ceiling.  My clothes smell like the orange smoke.  Someone got the side of my arm with that cold compressed air, so I guess I have a bit of freeze burn.  I went across the street to the gym to dry out in their locker room.  I'm fairly sure I don't want to know what was in that colored drink.