Employee evaluations

[GTRS Fiero]

Today, we had employee evaluations.  This included a session with a government team, and a psychiatrist, and some questions on a form.

Just wondering, but how would you answer the following:
1. Word association: dough
2. Word association: done
3. Pressure: timeline, calendar, or clock
4. Motivation: money, personality, politics
5. Pick a color: red, blue, green, purple
6. Fill in the blank: My job includes a ________ time.
7. Fill in the blank: Each day at work, I ________ with ________.
8. Compare to an object: boss
9. Compare to an object: co-worker
10. Yes or No?

There were 160 questions like this.  Some questions required the drawing of a line.  Other questions asked us to put objects in order, like colored blocks.  There were random groups of words we had to write.  There were vertical lines of the same height, and we had to answer which was taller.

There were questions where they would name a profession, and we had to answer with a gender.  Yeah.  What gender is an astronaut?

There were number sequence questions.

Then there were questions where we had to place items on the left or the right of a given object.

[Fierofool]

Look out!  Any way they can they are coming for your guns.

[GTRS Fiero]

I had that thought--especially in light of some of the questions they asked, but I didn't want to post them on here.  This was by far the oddest evaluation I've ever had.

There were several reactions that occurred to me, but this evaluation isn't done by my employer; some of our clients have odd requirements, and this was for one of the clients.  I'm required to hold certain certifications, and there are various things we must endure, both scheduled and surprise.

This particular test is supposed to see how likely we are to snap.  I can wait to get the full results on this one.  The head doctor didn't like me.  Actually, the government guys don't like me, either.  I guess I'm good with that.

When they gave me the lie detector test, the guy got so mad he threw stuff at me.  I guess he failed.  They asked me if I carried weapons into a federal building.  Um, maybe.  Let's see.  Shoes, socks, belt, keys, screw drivers, pliers, a laptop, etc.  I forgot about some other things I carry, but I remembered the tools of my trade.  They went over my inventory, and apparently "case cracker" stood out.  It's for opening computer cases, but he didn't know.  I've never used it, because it's bulky and hard to use.

[GTRS Fiero]

It must be a Monday.  Results back.

I was right.  They didn't like my answers.  I got called into a room, where the review people just stared at me.  They have no sense of humor.  I offered them all bubble gum.  The atomic gum.  They really should brush their teeth, or not be so sensitive about the things stuck in tneir teeth.  I could've sworn that one was wearing a wig, but he insisted it wasn't.

What a waste of taxpayer $!  These are all subjective; how can there be a "wrong" answer?

My answers were something like these:

Draw a line: They didn't specify a straight line, or the angle.  If it needn't be straight, it could curve to the left and right.  So I drew an infinite loop.

Red, purple, green, blue: Green seemed like a good color, at the time.  They wanted black.  That wasn't one of the options.

Word association dough: Cookie, obviously.

Compare to an object, boss: Cobra Mustang
Compare to an object, co-worker: vase

Each day at work, I eat with a fork.

What do you fear most: offspring by people who create these evaluations.

Order these lines  | | | | 

|	|	|	|
1	2	3	4

Pressure clock, calendar, timeline: the one you have to carry

My design with the blocks wasn't the design they wanted.  I made a boat.  They wanted a lattice.  I never admitted what I made, but insisted that there was a lattice, and feigned disbelief that he couldn't see a lattice.

Write random words: I followed that instruction EXACTLY.  I wrote MY random words.  They should be more clear with their instructions. 

Yes or No: I circled it.  Next time, maybe a box.

Who is first: whomever is at the head of the line.  Apparently, that is discriminatory.

Food choices: "edible"

For each of the following professions, state the appropriate gender: I am offended by this question and its inherent labeling. The discriminatory implication of a relationship between a profession and a gender is insulting.  Nowhere in this question were minorities included in this use of traditional static roles filled by the majority of people, thus anyone who asked such a question could not possibly be in tune with societal norms.  As gender is or is not required, the label may be inferred, if necessary, from that implied profession, and completely subjective to each reader, pursuant to the preference of the entity whereby referenced, as interpreted by common sense.

They were not appreciative of my answers.  Fortunately, they have to fill a quota.  I scored above the people who scribbled over the questions they didn't like, and above those who cut holes in the paper.

I don't remember my answers for the lie detector.  I made most of them up.  I was told not to tamper with the lie detector.  Yeah, hook me up to the lie detector, and I'll give my answer.

Everything the head guy asked, I asked how that made him feel, or what he thought of that.  I don't know how those sessions are supposed to go.  I was contributing.  He asked a question, then I asked a question.  If he didn't like being asked questions, maybe he should remember the Golden Rule.

[Fierofool]

I like your sarcasm and sense of humor. 

[GTRS Fiero]

Too bad you weren't scoring the evaluation.  I thought my cardinal numbers were a good solution.